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Joseph Riccardelli @Bballdude9997

Age 31, Male

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Nutley,NJ

Joined on 5/18/05

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Comments

Got to chapter 2, it needs moar description and less dialogue, try and produce a sense of characters through narrative and personal/behavioural description. Introduction could be more helpful too, tells the reader 'why' has this happened as to 'how'.
(sorry for the ' ' but you cant bold in blogs.